My spouse has gone off the concept of a threesome – and I’m gutted

My great new spouse is every thing I’ve at all times appeared for in a girl. The problem is that she is brazenly and proudly bisexual. After we first turned concerned, she even joked that she didn’t need me getting mad when it was time for her to go to her good friend on ladies’ journeys. A threesome with a bisexual girl has at all times been my fantasy. She even gave me permission to go surfing and discover a “unicorn” for us. However once I arrange a gathering, she didn’t appear to wish to comply with by way of with it, so I stopped wanting. Just lately, on vacation, she made a sexual remark a couple of lady in a bikini, so I once more introduced up the concept of a threesome. However she stated she may need grown out of that section of her life and simply needs to be with me. She additionally stated that including one other individual would break the wedding, and I fear that issues would possibly change between us if we get along with one other lady. I’m at a loss as to what to do. If she is really bisexual, I am apprehensive that if these needs aren’t met, she might pursue them with out me. My solely rule is that if she is with a woman, I’m additionally current. Most guys would love my scenario – am I making this more durable than it’s?

Hearken to your spouse. It’s true that bringing one other individual right into a relationship may be dangerous, and must be fastidiously negotiated and managed. And also you don’t have to guard her bisexual pursuits – if she actually needs to have intercourse with one other girl, she’s going to make that call herself. Being bisexual doesn’t essentially imply one is all in favour of threesomes. You appear to have assumed it does, but it surely could possibly be that the very last thing your spouse needs is to incorporate you throughout intercourse with one other girl. She implied this early on by saying she didn’t need you to get upset when she went off on a ladies’ journey. It’s also doable that your spouse actually is now not all in favour of turning her bisexual fantasies into actuality. All that is price a frank dialog. Ensure you keep away from blame or judgment, pay attention fastidiously, and assist her to really feel protected to teach you about her true sexual id.

Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual issues.

If you need recommendation from Pamela on sexual issues, ship us a short description of your considerations to personal.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t ship attachments). Every week, Pamela chooses one downside to reply, which will likely be printed on-line. She regrets that she can not enter into private correspondence. Submissions are topic to our phrases and situations.

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