I turned 50 in November and am very a lot in love with my 59-year-old girlfriend of two years. We’ve got no arguments or stress – outdoors of 1 challenge. Prior to now eight months or so, our intercourse life has come to a whole halt. At the least 3 times every week she suggests we now have intercourse, however I can’t keep aroused for lengthy. I could also be overthinking issues, missing confidence or just experiencing concern or nervousness that I didn’t earlier than. (I am a little chubby, because of spending extra time at residence due to the pandemic.)
At first, our intercourse was superior; I might maintain out for at the least three of her orgasms. However then I started experiencing untimely ejaculation and she or he started to have some issues too. Now that these are resolved, I am struggling keep an erection. I believed the issue was bodily, however I can masturbate for as lengthy and as many occasions in a day as I need.
It might have one thing to do with routine preparation; I feel I want extra spontaneity. Asserting, then showering, ready, moving into mattress and studying the guidelines or limitations, are all including up. I’m struggling and I don’t need her to suppose I’m not interested in her.
Chill out. As a pair, you’re affected by a “sizzling potato syndrome” – so referred to as as a result of one individual experiences signs, then as they’re recovering the opposite begins having points. The sample can repeat endlessly.
Have a bodily and psychological checkup – untimely ejaculation will be the results of a physiological and/or a psychological downside, or a side-effect of treatment. It is very important rule out such prospects or, if crucial, search therapy. Relating to your aversion to planning – it’s OK to specific this. Have a correct speak about every little thing: no blame, no disgrace, simply affirming what is sweet and what might make it even higher.
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Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual problems.
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If you need recommendation from Pamela on sexual issues, ship us a short description of your issues to non-public.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t ship attachments). Every week, Pamela chooses one downside to reply, which might be revealed on-line. She regrets that she can’t enter into private correspondence. Submissions are topic to our phrases and circumstances: see theguardian.com/letters-terms.
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